This is a story about a girl. One who was living her life as best she could. With some extra struggles over and above your average person, but nothing she couldn’t handle. Migrains and bloating where the main struggles. Not being able to fit in her work shirts anymore, thinking she was putting on weight but only in the belly. Pop some painkillers for the migraines and throw on a oversized shirt and off she went, good as new.
Jump forward 2 months… and here she is, laying in bed, trying to take her mind off her impending surgery in just over 30 hours.
You see, that girl is me. There was never a day in my 34 years that I thought I would be in this position. I am the one laying here in bed, struggling to come to terms with the fact that I have to have major surgery first thing Monday morning.
A couple of months ago I woke up feeling unwell. It was a cold. I also had a mild pain in my stomach and so when I saw the GP, I mentioned it. A new clinic and new GP. I also mentioned my bloating, just out of the blue as I was sent packing with IBS medicines each time I mentioned to any other doctors, so I didn’t expect anything different this time.
I had questioned my bloating to 5 other GP’s in the previous few months with them all commenting that it was normal for females to have bloating and there is just nothing you can do, or they would tell me it’s IBS.
For the firt time, this GP felt my stomach and instantly commented “that’s not right”. He told me he could feel a lump.
The next week was a blur of tests. 3 Ultrasounds, full blood work and a papsmear.
There is nothing like the doctor pulling and pushing and then going to get a second GP to do the same. So having two of them down that end with one with their arm up you like a bloody cow (whilst looking in your eyes! – please note this is not right GPs, don’t look us in the eyes as you’re ferreting around up there!) whilst telling you they can’t find what their looking for wasn’t very soothing.
A week later I find myself at a specialist office at the hospital, giving me another exam, because the first one wasnt enough! Then the next week, more bloods an MRI, a CT scan, followed by more bloods and then a referral to Gynocology Oncology.
As I sit in the surgeons office with my better half and my father, through my bloodshot eyes, I see my MRI resultes on the screen and the surgeon tells me I have 30cm tumour on my uterus and I need to have a full hysterectomy.
Not just some keyhole procedure though, but because I am so talented, and I grew my tumour nice and big, they are going to cut my whole stomach open with a verticle incision from my pubic bone to my chest bone.
So many things run through my head. Babies, surgery, dieing, the fact that the surgeon also told me that they are unsure if it is cancerous, but if it is, it could be very aggressive and I would have a 60% chance of living for 5 years.
Unfortunately there is no alternative options, the mass is so big that it is killing itself on the inside to grow bigger so they tell me it’s starting to turn gangrene.
I’m trying so hard to think positive, but until you have heard those words, it is very easy to tell people how to think and react.
I will write again soon with an update, but in the meantime, please be sending me all of your positive vibes, good wishes and prayers.
Love to you all xx